It’s weigh day and I lost 1lb. I promised myself at the start of my journey that every loss is worth a celebration no matter how small. Truth be told I don’t feel like celebrating, and here’s why.
Weight loss involves eating right, cooking right and making sure you’re active and most of us, even us big girls KNOW this. We know what we SHOULD be eating and we know that cake, in copious amounts, is not good for us. We know this! The battle of the bulge however takes place not only in the kitchen but also in our minds. There are so many reasons we overeat or we eat the wrong things and programs like Weight Watchers and Slimming World certainly do help to keep us track of where we are at but I’ve been thinking, do we need to start looking at the ‘why’ we eat as well as the ‘what’ we eat.
My experience so far with Slimming World has been great, it truly doesn’t feel like a ‘diet’. I eat big tasty meals (no really!) and, with so much that you CAN have there are very few times when I’m hungry. However, not being hungry doesn’t mean that I never want more food and that is when the battle of the mind begins. Can anyone relate? You’ve had your healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner as well as a few healthy snacks along the way, maybe even some chocolate allowance and you are pretty satisfied, you feel full… but then … something kicks in. Everyone’s trigger is different I guess but something in the fridge starts calling to you. The piece of chicken you saved for lunch, or tomorrow’s chocolate treat, the kids pack lunch crisps. I so often give in to this calling but never address the ‘why’ it comes up in the first place. We live in a world with a million and one distractions which means we have loads of excuses to not deal with our emotions and feelings. I think the time has come for me to deal with mine. I’m not sure how just yet but watch this space.
So why aren’t I celebrating, because although a loss is a loss indeed and 1lb is another step in the right direction I think I am slightly mourning the 2 or 3lbs extra that I could have lost if I had kept to plan properly, if I hadn’t given in to the late night call of the fridge. I am upset with myself for this ongoing battle in my mind that I have to face every day, by not making wise choices about food in the past I have created my own bad habits and have given my own self this battle to face.
I truly believe that overeating is an eating disorder too, one that is not so recognised by the world. People are ashamed that they are obese, I am, I am ashamed that I let myself get to 15stone, I feel very guilty about it but it is something that we don’t talk about. When other people talk about weight I’ve always kept quiet, too guilty to add my 2 cents … well not any more folks! Anorexia and Bulimia are very real things and are widely acceptable to talk about and discuss and there is support and sympathy out there for sufferers. To stand up and say I have a disorder because I overeat will just have the response … just eat less food and you will lose weight. Sometimes no one even has to say it for you to know that is how they feel. Well I’ve decided this blog is going to cut the B.S and it is going to be a place for people everyone to feel like they can express their true feelings.
I have an eating disorder and it is overeating, which has led me to become obese.
There I said it… it’s out there. Step one is admitting the problem right? One step closer to victory.
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